He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
