If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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