I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
