i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
