I want to make a zoo with you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
