Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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