What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
