I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
