How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
