he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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