yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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