I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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