I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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