Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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