I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
