Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
COCAINE IS GR8
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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