I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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