God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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