Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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