Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
