Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
