Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
