I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
