I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
