She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
