I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
