you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I touched a dick in church today
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How naked do you want me to be?
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