I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
