Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
