he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
