Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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