You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
