I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
