Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
