Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry ohdarlingh hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(507): View more from Minnesota

The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.

Fav 41 2719 785
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.

Fav 20 1031 3360
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(678): View more from Georgia

Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.

Fav 9 951 3559
share tweet
(805): View more from California

i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila

Fav 17 4040 1511
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

Fav 13 948 4534
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you

Fav 10 1131 1772
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(209): View more from California

I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.

Fav 1 1490 907
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(415): View more from California

I have a present for you

(415): View more from California

Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked

Fav 6 1218 475
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(615): View more from Tennessee

The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday

Fav 0 58 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT