I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
