I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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