You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All the doctor said was why
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
