If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
