so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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