they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
