You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
