you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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