we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
