it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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