this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize