It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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