Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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