I'm eating all of the evidence.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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