She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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