I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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