You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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