I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
