I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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