$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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