My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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