why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
