We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
