And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
